How I met my friend R

Everyone talks about love at first sight, yet sometimes friendship sparks just as quickly. Sometimes you meet someone at the gym, the office cafeteria, on a tour, or at a birthday party—and before you know it, the stranger in front of you feels like a comfort you never want to let go of. As GenZ says - pass the vibe check. I met my friend R on a train trip when I was 15.

The story is running in technicolor now.

The story happened almost 30 years before. There used to be a ceremony of travelling as small groups to entrance coaching centres, for in a developing country like ours the fate is more or less safe if one makes it to professional course like engineering or medicine. The seats were limited and job opportunities plenty. On one such travel to a place 40km from my hometown I met 4 friends from the big city of Kochi. This was pre glamor era for Indian women. Even then these 4 girls had all the plush and glamor of city life, dressed in pretty clothes, adorning lip-stick (OMG! it was a big thing). When I get jealous, I become reserved and silent. So I kept to myself when my friends (we travel as a group of kids) started chatting away with the group. One of the girls was persuasive and started opening a conversation with me. I was struggling to make sure the ice is super cold for her to break. Let's just say she managed to make me utter a few words. The saga continued for 2 years and we became travel buddies. These were days before cell phones. So once we were done with our entrance exams, the contacts ceased.

Fast forward 4 years, with the dot-com-burst and hostile job maket, all I could manage was a job in a 1 year old startup near my home. I had this burning desire to join a corporate MNC in the garden city of Bangalore. But the whole thing was put on hold with the stupid real-estate-boom-burst and its subsequent effect on IT. After one uneventful month in the startup we were joined by 2 freshers - one being my travel friend R. Since the schedule in startup was too tight, we were all couped up in apartments nearby the office. And I got R as my flat mate. The friendship the whole set of employees shared transcended the regular colleauge bonding. It bloomed as it would have as every employee was almost of the same age and none of us were married and all of us were having their first experience in their jobs.

Damn, the post has already become pretty long. And I am not even through half my story.

Let me fast forward. In the next 2 decades, life happened. I moved to Bangalore. She stayed back. We got married almost at similar times, got kids of almost similar ages, and here comes the banger - got divorced at almost the same time. Being young divorcee moms with infant kids, our struggles were too similar and the lack of other support systems brought us closer. Sleepless nights, legal struggles, painful emotional rollercosters, financial struggles, social exclusions, heart breaks and what not, we shared a lot.

So, why am I recounting this now? 

Because we met for a casual lunch last weekend. While leaving, she said, “It was really good that we spoke that day—thirty years ago. We were kids back then, never knowing that life would one day bring us together to share each other’s company.”

I made her promise that we would marry each other once our kids settle down, if we don't find someone by then.

My child for my life

 Instagram algorithm has been pushing 'the mom and kids' posts for a while now. Sometimes some thoughts hit you like lightning. I got that today. I realized that my child is not a kid anymore. That familiar feeling of trying to keep from losing the temper when your child is losing her temper - I haven't felt that for long. The peace that I was having became strangely unsettling. 

I was brooding over my past life and the universe said - hold that thought. D called me in the evening - desperate that she didn't understand 'malloc' implementation, memory mapping, paging and sorts. These are all boring technical stuff for those who does't understand system software. We sat for a 30mts conference and I was explaining the concept and she was fighting the approach and and we were both disagreeing on her eating habits in small intervals. The feeling came back - I was 'this close' to losing my shit. My child is afterall always my baby :)

When you reach out and doesn't reach

 I had plans for Monday. And I thought maybe the plan could be done on Tuesday.

So far the plan is still a plan. I am late for submitting my project in IITM as well. So *k that. It will happen when it happens. 

I saw this post on Instagram. And I have decided to share it here:

If you wanna win a marathon, the universe hands you running shoes, not a trophy

If you walk into the wrong room, don’t rearrange the furniture. Just leave. No, this is not about the room.

Not every lion that chased a deer caught it, but every lion that caught a deer chased it.

You will rise from the ashes, but the burning comes first, and for that my dear, you have to be brave.

Every time you replace ‘this is overwhelming’ with ‘what is the first step?’ You move shift brain from fear to problem-solving.

There is a strange power in letting yourself wanting things again. After disappointment, after heartbreak, after being let down. Desire returning is a proof that hope survived.

You are not craving a person, you are craving a feeling. Name it and build the feeling within yourself.

Accountability for a new start

 This is going to be a long post with multiple updates, if things work the way that I believe and I have enough discipline to stick to my decisions.

So I felt burned out last week. Multiple things. I joined gym and started seriously working out without checking my food intake. So, physically I was burning out. I got a message from one of my senior engineers that there might be a layoff (turned out false). And then there was this frequent bombardment of meetings on how to use AI to automate and replace humans - as an action item in office. Talk about digging your own grave. I was racing against time with project that I am leading too, with engineers who are dumb and some who couldnt be bothered. I have had ample reasons to get overstimulated and tired.

So I took a decision to stay away from work and studies for the weekend. Hurray! I did it!

On the positive side, my kid went to nullcon BITS Goa and is having a blast. She is going to miss the time once she is back to her college. I need to find a way for her to realign her life and energy so that she can plan for further studies in a great university outside. May world be her oyster! May she not take any rash decision to marry and resign to life long servitude.

Plan for tomorrow - Spend an hour in the morning preparing for job change. Let's start with understanding the project Sadhna gave last week. I have to prepare a note on what all have been covered so far in the course so that I can use it for work related AI projects. May I work out with every ounce of energy that I have. Dear universe, help me out!