I chanced upon watching 'Premam' during one of those days, and whoever has watched the movie would agree with me, it manages to fill your thoughts. The fact that I spent two beautiful years of my life in the same campus poured oil over the fire, as if the movie needs it. Mulling over the thoughts, I started wondering what happened to me. Alas it has been 2 decades since I had been there. Two eventful decades!!
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Cheer leader
When life gets tough, the tough gets going - there is an adage, which everyone in their life at some point of time had to believe. The one that goes beyond saying is how the support of a cheer leader in life can transform your life. My daughter fuels my aspirations in life, but she is helpless when I panics. That's when I found my cheerleader. She is a fellow single mother, a strong soul, and a smart person. God bless her with abundant energy :)
For last four-five months, I had been under terrible anxiety. My diet habits were so erratic, I can no longer fit into my clothes. My situations hasn't changed much, but I believe my grasp on things have improved.
They say - When you wish on something so intensely, the whole world conspires for you to reach it.
I am wishing to get a job which would allow me to be closer to my darling daughter, while I can spend quality time with her. Dear universe, grant me my wish!!
For last four-five months, I had been under terrible anxiety. My diet habits were so erratic, I can no longer fit into my clothes. My situations hasn't changed much, but I believe my grasp on things have improved.
They say - When you wish on something so intensely, the whole world conspires for you to reach it.
I am wishing to get a job which would allow me to be closer to my darling daughter, while I can spend quality time with her. Dear universe, grant me my wish!!
Thursday, September 15, 2016
A true blessing in disguise
She was crying over phone, and I was failing miserably to console her. My good friend is already going through a divorce and is getting wrongly approached in her office. A young beautiful mother, I was witnessing her confidence taking a toll. I convinced her to take a leave from office and return home. I wanted to run to her and give her a tight hug, but my office was calling me. It's only 4 months in my office and I had already used up my leaves.
Before hitting the sack, I went through my usual bed time ritual - writing thank you notes to God. I had to thank the universal energy in giving me an appearance that reduced the unwanted attention.
Growing up, I had to listen to the occasional remarks about my dark skin and acne scars. But I managed to grow a thick skin and a thick attitude, thanks to my parents. The kind of creams and treatments that my skin had to endure is numerous (psst.. I haven't stopped torturing my skin yet). So, this was the list.
- Thank you for not making me too pretty for my own good.
- Thank you for making me good enough for people to not take me for my face value.
- Thank you for presenting me in such a way that only the genuine people who took pain in understanding me could like me.
- Thank you for giving me a strong idea, from my childhood, that I need to work my way through with grit and strong will, as my looks are not going to make my journey easy.
- Thanks for not making me an eye candy so that no vain ones would hit on me.
- And lastly, thanks for not making me too pretty, that I won't be seen as a threat or an invitation as a single mother. (yeah, I know this one is a bit naughty, but totally worth it)
Before hitting the sack, I went through my usual bed time ritual - writing thank you notes to God. I had to thank the universal energy in giving me an appearance that reduced the unwanted attention.
Growing up, I had to listen to the occasional remarks about my dark skin and acne scars. But I managed to grow a thick skin and a thick attitude, thanks to my parents. The kind of creams and treatments that my skin had to endure is numerous (psst.. I haven't stopped torturing my skin yet). So, this was the list.
- Thank you for not making me too pretty for my own good.
- Thank you for making me good enough for people to not take me for my face value.
- Thank you for presenting me in such a way that only the genuine people who took pain in understanding me could like me.
- Thank you for giving me a strong idea, from my childhood, that I need to work my way through with grit and strong will, as my looks are not going to make my journey easy.
- Thanks for not making me an eye candy so that no vain ones would hit on me.
- And lastly, thanks for not making me too pretty, that I won't be seen as a threat or an invitation as a single mother. (yeah, I know this one is a bit naughty, but totally worth it)
A true blessing in disguise
She was crying over phone, and I was failing miserably to console her. My good friend is already going through a divorce and is getting wrongly approached in her office. A young beautiful mother, I was witnessing her confidence taking a toll. I literally scraped at the bottom of my jar holding sanity. I wanted to run to her and give her a tight hug, but my office was calling me. It's only 4 months in my new office and already my leaves were up.
Before hitting the sack, I went through my usual bed time ritual - writing thank you notes to the luminaries in my life. That night, I felt this immense obligation to thank the universal energy for something unconventional - for giving me an appearance that reduced the unwanted attention.
Growing up, I had to listen to the occasional remarks about my dark skin and acne scars. But I managed to grow a thick skin and a thick attitude, thanks to my parents. The kind of creams and treatments that my skin had to endure is numerous (psst.. I haven't stopped torturing my skin yet). So, this was the list.
- Thank you for not making me too pretty for my own good.
- Thank you for making me good enough for people to not take me for my face value.
- Thank you for presenting me in such a way that only the genuine people who took pain in understanding me could like me.
- Thank you for giving me a strong idea, from my childhood, that I need to work my way through with grit and strong will, as my looks are not going to make my journey easy.
- Thanks for not making me an eye candy so that no vain ones would hit on me.
- And lastly, thanks for not making me too pretty, that I won't be seen as a threat or an invitation as a single mother. (yeah, I know this one is a bit naughty, but totally worth it)
Before hitting the sack, I went through my usual bed time ritual - writing thank you notes to the luminaries in my life. That night, I felt this immense obligation to thank the universal energy for something unconventional - for giving me an appearance that reduced the unwanted attention.
Growing up, I had to listen to the occasional remarks about my dark skin and acne scars. But I managed to grow a thick skin and a thick attitude, thanks to my parents. The kind of creams and treatments that my skin had to endure is numerous (psst.. I haven't stopped torturing my skin yet). So, this was the list.
- Thank you for not making me too pretty for my own good.
- Thank you for making me good enough for people to not take me for my face value.
- Thank you for presenting me in such a way that only the genuine people who took pain in understanding me could like me.
- Thank you for giving me a strong idea, from my childhood, that I need to work my way through with grit and strong will, as my looks are not going to make my journey easy.
- Thanks for not making me an eye candy so that no vain ones would hit on me.
- And lastly, thanks for not making me too pretty, that I won't be seen as a threat or an invitation as a single mother. (yeah, I know this one is a bit naughty, but totally worth it)
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Wedding dreams
D was having her first exams in Nursery. She had always awed at her uncle preparing for his PG entrance that she felt unusually satisfied with the 'opportunity'. I couldn't bring myself to teach her anything but couldn't dampen her spirit either.
So we started with the animals and their habitats. We browsed through the pics of animals standing besides their homes. Things went on fine, until we sighted one peacock.
Ah! Peacock is such a wonderful thing! One could rarely keep off ones eyes. But my sweet pumpkin had other plans. Amidst watching the videos and the pictures she gave me shock of the lifetime - "Amma, I want to marry a peacock when I grow up".
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
A thank you note to you dear stranger
Dear stranger,
We have had a very short introduction to each other, that too I am sure we both could agree that it never would qualify as a comfortable one. You had a long trip from your home town and had come to just see me, a day not something you would agree as well spent. And I was trying hard to look fresh and 'pretty' after a 12 hour long night shift. To top it, we were swarmed by our parents and well wishers.
Being a fresh grad struggling to keep up with my new job, and bearing the blunt of internet bubble-burst, I was all starry-eyed to meet this man, someone who is adoring a estimable position in an MNC. My parents had fed me with enough stories that I was already rooting for this person in my life. Your almond eyes and warm nature managed to add some oil to the fire. I was overly thrilled when we were asked to spend some time away from the hustle bustle of enthusiastic parents.
"Let me not waste our time, I am not interested in this alliance." Waiting for the cupid's arrow, I was struck by these cold words.
"Care to explain?" I tried hard to keep my smile.
"I travel around the world. I am looking for a woman who would accompany me in my trips, and be with me. It's not right to do it to you. I would be racing against my conscience every day if I marry you."
The reply was point blank until he blurted out the last sentence. But who cares, I handled (and still does) rejections very badly.
"I love travelling. Who doesn't want to travel around the world? I could be with you. We could work it out." My voice was trailing out.
He softened. Looking straight into my eyes, he delivered what sounded like an apology.
"I decided on this meeting without knowing your qualifications. I want my wife to be an engineering graduate to match my pride. But you have done it from one of the leading colleges in the state, and you are working in a start-up. You have a long way to go. I have women colleagues whom I consider with great respect. We have had lunch table discussions on this matter. I can't be a man who would force his girl to give up her dreams. And you should not give up on it either. I will give an excuse to my parents."
I was trying to make sense of the speech he was delivering. I couldn't then. But I could now.
My married life was short lived, but I ace in my career. I love working. It gives me a sense of satisfaction. It helps me keep my head on my shoulder and clothes and food for both of us (me and my adorable child). I got laid off from my work with a handsome reparation, but I couldn't wait to get back into my job.
Dear stranger, thanks for your kindness.
We have had a very short introduction to each other, that too I am sure we both could agree that it never would qualify as a comfortable one. You had a long trip from your home town and had come to just see me, a day not something you would agree as well spent. And I was trying hard to look fresh and 'pretty' after a 12 hour long night shift. To top it, we were swarmed by our parents and well wishers.
Being a fresh grad struggling to keep up with my new job, and bearing the blunt of internet bubble-burst, I was all starry-eyed to meet this man, someone who is adoring a estimable position in an MNC. My parents had fed me with enough stories that I was already rooting for this person in my life. Your almond eyes and warm nature managed to add some oil to the fire. I was overly thrilled when we were asked to spend some time away from the hustle bustle of enthusiastic parents.
"Let me not waste our time, I am not interested in this alliance." Waiting for the cupid's arrow, I was struck by these cold words.
"Care to explain?" I tried hard to keep my smile.
"I travel around the world. I am looking for a woman who would accompany me in my trips, and be with me. It's not right to do it to you. I would be racing against my conscience every day if I marry you."
The reply was point blank until he blurted out the last sentence. But who cares, I handled (and still does) rejections very badly.
"I love travelling. Who doesn't want to travel around the world? I could be with you. We could work it out." My voice was trailing out.
He softened. Looking straight into my eyes, he delivered what sounded like an apology.
"I decided on this meeting without knowing your qualifications. I want my wife to be an engineering graduate to match my pride. But you have done it from one of the leading colleges in the state, and you are working in a start-up. You have a long way to go. I have women colleagues whom I consider with great respect. We have had lunch table discussions on this matter. I can't be a man who would force his girl to give up her dreams. And you should not give up on it either. I will give an excuse to my parents."
I was trying to make sense of the speech he was delivering. I couldn't then. But I could now.
My married life was short lived, but I ace in my career. I love working. It gives me a sense of satisfaction. It helps me keep my head on my shoulder and clothes and food for both of us (me and my adorable child). I got laid off from my work with a handsome reparation, but I couldn't wait to get back into my job.
Dear stranger, thanks for your kindness.
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Back to square one
It has been a long time since I got to write.
I am going to make up for it today. Basically I am going to vent.
I don't recall if I had written about my achievement. I got a job, I got one by clearing my very first interview. It's not that I didn't try for any more, but this was the only one interview I could attend.
I am really thankful to my parents and my little child for being with me and seeing me through the whole journey.
I had always thought that I would be able to move back to my home town and nurture my growing child and my career. It looks like I have to shelve the dream for some time. I got a reply from one of the senior person from 'the targeted company' - there are no positions to suite my experience. 'Seriously!' that was the first thought that crossed my mind. I had always considered myself very dynamic and smart, and achieving and passionate and what else. But it looks like I am not really needed in the place I want to be.
I felt bad, I really felt horrible. I cried on the way back home from office. It hurt. Everything I passionately reach for has managed to slipped out through my fingers. This one too keeps eluding me. But I am not going to give up on this so easily.
With a heavy heart, I sat down trying to book a train ticket back home, and the site just didn't give in. I feasted on a heavy dark chocolate pastry and ordered a ticket by bus.
I am going to make up for it today. Basically I am going to vent.
I don't recall if I had written about my achievement. I got a job, I got one by clearing my very first interview. It's not that I didn't try for any more, but this was the only one interview I could attend.
I am really thankful to my parents and my little child for being with me and seeing me through the whole journey.
I had always thought that I would be able to move back to my home town and nurture my growing child and my career. It looks like I have to shelve the dream for some time. I got a reply from one of the senior person from 'the targeted company' - there are no positions to suite my experience. 'Seriously!' that was the first thought that crossed my mind. I had always considered myself very dynamic and smart, and achieving and passionate and what else. But it looks like I am not really needed in the place I want to be.
I felt bad, I really felt horrible. I cried on the way back home from office. It hurt. Everything I passionately reach for has managed to slipped out through my fingers. This one too keeps eluding me. But I am not going to give up on this so easily.
With a heavy heart, I sat down trying to book a train ticket back home, and the site just didn't give in. I feasted on a heavy dark chocolate pastry and ordered a ticket by bus.
Saturday, April 16, 2016
My first step after the fall
The interview went fine.
I screwed up a few questions, but I hit bulls eye with a lot more answers. So Tally :)
The closing statements make me exhilarated - We interviewed you for an Individual role, but you are apt for a technical lead role. We need a buy in from the country head of company. You can come back next week for the discussion.
Prepare well. We want you :)
I am blessed.
I screwed up a few questions, but I hit bulls eye with a lot more answers. So Tally :)
The closing statements make me exhilarated - We interviewed you for an Individual role, but you are apt for a technical lead role. We need a buy in from the country head of company. You can come back next week for the discussion.
Prepare well. We want you :)
I am blessed.
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Living on the edge
I sometimes feel that I am at the edge of a deep deep cliff.
I hope this would be the lowest phase in my life. I don't want the next blow to arrive before I got out of this situation. If there is a God above, I want to ask that celestial power to withhold the next unfortunate event for a couple of months. Let me take a few steps back so that I can start fending off the next trouble.
I hope this would be the lowest phase in my life. I don't want the next blow to arrive before I got out of this situation. If there is a God above, I want to ask that celestial power to withhold the next unfortunate event for a couple of months. Let me take a few steps back so that I can start fending off the next trouble.
New phase
I had a fantastic break. Took one full month break with my little one. We travelled far and wide within the state. It was not like I waited for the break to happen, or that I enjoyed the break thoroughly. In the back of my mind, I had this annoying feeling, that I don't have a job now, but then what can I do now? I have survived tougher situations, I am going to survive this one.
Once the news broke, and the exit formalities were done, I was overcome with emotions, negative emotions. 'What am I gonna do?' 'How could this happen to me?' 'I am already fighting for my child and a sane life. How am I gonna cope up?' 'It has been 9 years since I looked into the job market. What if I am too rusty?'
Anxiety was getting better of me. I had to curb it. So, I decided to backpack for a month. I don't know if I was really roaming around or just running away from action, from facing the reality.
One month passed and now I am here, trying to get back into my profession. I started floating my resume around. And on Thursday I got my first telephonic interview. Surprise! I cleared for face to face. And yesterday, while waiting to watch a movie, I got the second call, and cleared the second company too. I have a face to face with the second company scheduled for Wednesday.
The fear of failure is catching up now. I don't know how am I going to manage the come back. All I know is, I am going to learn a few interview questions and go for it.
If it's mine, I will get it. If not, it was never mine.
Wish me luck !
Once the news broke, and the exit formalities were done, I was overcome with emotions, negative emotions. 'What am I gonna do?' 'How could this happen to me?' 'I am already fighting for my child and a sane life. How am I gonna cope up?' 'It has been 9 years since I looked into the job market. What if I am too rusty?'
Anxiety was getting better of me. I had to curb it. So, I decided to backpack for a month. I don't know if I was really roaming around or just running away from action, from facing the reality.
One month passed and now I am here, trying to get back into my profession. I started floating my resume around. And on Thursday I got my first telephonic interview. Surprise! I cleared for face to face. And yesterday, while waiting to watch a movie, I got the second call, and cleared the second company too. I have a face to face with the second company scheduled for Wednesday.
The fear of failure is catching up now. I don't know how am I going to manage the come back. All I know is, I am going to learn a few interview questions and go for it.
If it's mine, I will get it. If not, it was never mine.
Wish me luck !
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Normal life, restart
I am reviving my blog.
I hope to keep it going for a while now that I am literally jobless.
On March 2nd I lost my job.
I took time to wrap my head around the news. Yesterday, I watched a TEDx talk on how to handle bad situations in life, in such a way that I don't host a pity party and end up losing the opportunity that the situation served me.
While still chewing on those ideas, my little one came up with this small note -
Ah! Those moments of self realization, especially when sprinkled with innocent love of a 10 year old.
Today on 14th of March, I have decided to make the best use of my time, leave the past behind and aim for a bright, well balanced future with my loved ones.
Lemme hand it over to One Republic now.
The song seriously would pull you out of shit for some time -> Oh, this gotta be a good life
Back to business.
TODO list for the day
1) be a human (yeah read it right, I didn't write humane) to my ageing parents and growing child
2) shooo away depressing thoughts
3) Finish TCP illustrated Vol 1 and start 2
[:EOD updates:]
I almost covered my TODO list.
1) Being human was easy peasy, I just had to remind myself, my family is standing by my side, and is trying to make things easy for me.
2) Negative thoughts still haunts me. Forcing a 'flush' is what I am concentrating on now. The TEDx talk shared by my dear friend on practising emotional hygiene helped. I would suggest you to top it up with the talk on how to practice emotional hygiene.
The talks are here:
How to practice emotional hygiene | Guy Winch
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong | Amy Morin
3) If the first two fall in line, the third should follow too. I finished TCP Vol-1
And I got an incentive - got the call for an interview.
I hope to keep it going for a while now that I am literally jobless.
On March 2nd I lost my job.
I took time to wrap my head around the news. Yesterday, I watched a TEDx talk on how to handle bad situations in life, in such a way that I don't host a pity party and end up losing the opportunity that the situation served me.
While still chewing on those ideas, my little one came up with this small note -
Ah! Those moments of self realization, especially when sprinkled with innocent love of a 10 year old.
Today on 14th of March, I have decided to make the best use of my time, leave the past behind and aim for a bright, well balanced future with my loved ones.
Lemme hand it over to One Republic now.
The song seriously would pull you out of shit for some time -> Oh, this gotta be a good life
Back to business.
TODO list for the day
1) be a human (yeah read it right, I didn't write humane) to my ageing parents and growing child
2) shooo away depressing thoughts
3) Finish TCP illustrated Vol 1 and start 2
[:EOD updates:]
I almost covered my TODO list.
1) Being human was easy peasy, I just had to remind myself, my family is standing by my side, and is trying to make things easy for me.
2) Negative thoughts still haunts me. Forcing a 'flush' is what I am concentrating on now. The TEDx talk shared by my dear friend on practising emotional hygiene helped. I would suggest you to top it up with the talk on how to practice emotional hygiene.
The talks are here:
How to practice emotional hygiene | Guy Winch
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong | Amy Morin
3) If the first two fall in line, the third should follow too. I finished TCP Vol-1
And I got an incentive - got the call for an interview.
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